If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Randomize
