So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
