That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
