You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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