I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
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