i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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