i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
