I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Randomize
