i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
