just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
