I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
