I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
