His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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