i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
my liver is dry heaving
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
