we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Randomize
