you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I'm like, not good at living.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
