No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
