Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
