You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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