I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
