Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
