im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
