why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
