Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
