He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
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