i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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