Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Randomize
