I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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