I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
I like to think it a success when the cops are called
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Randomize
