so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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