btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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