Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
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