As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
You took a bar mat shot.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize
