Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
