"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
