i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Randomize
