is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
