i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
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