she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
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