Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Your cock deserves a montage
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
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