U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
