I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Randomize
