none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
I wear drunk well.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
