I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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