I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
