dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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