Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
