One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
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