Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
