I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Why are your pants in the freezer?
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
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