I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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