Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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