I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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