I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Randomize
